Rest Areas

So tonight I don't really feel like a story, per say, but instead a bit of a rant on one of the things I feel strongly about as a frequent driver of the US Interstate syste: rest areas. Lately I've seen more and more exciting features in rest areas, some great, some just plain wrong.

Great as in Iowa's installing free wireless Internet access in almost every rest area they still have open. What a great idea, and why didn't I think of that? Of course Iowa's also shut down over half of their rest areas, and blocked them off so you can't even get onto them. Don't worry, though, you can still stop every 70 miles or so as you cross their desolate wasteland of nothingness. Just keep reminding yourself that you're only 45 minutes away when the need to use the bathroom comes upon you.

Great as in the rest areas on the Ohio Turnpike, where you can get your Starbucks and Popeye's conveniently every 40 miles or so. Of course don't try to pull in with a gasoline-powered vehicle pulling a trailer, because you won't be able to park on the "car"side and there's no gas on the "truck" side, just diesel.

Great as in the scenic views available in almost every rest area in Kentucky, though don't plan on doing any actual resting there, as even a short nap in the car can yield you a nice ticket.

Great as in NY's policy on 5 minutes maximum idle time for semis, but of course then you're girl friend will wonder what she did to make you mad enough to stop as soon as she sets foot in the bathroom.

Here's my take on the rest area. By definition, you should be able to get into a rest area and safely park your car half asleep, eyes yellow from "holding it," with your wife giving birth beside you, and generally in no condition to drive. After all, that's why you're stopping. What kind of idiot designs an area where you have to take the off ramp, stop at the top, figure out which direction to turn, wait for traffic, make the turn, figure out on which side of the road the rest area is on, find the entrance, turn in to the area, troll around through a maze of curbing, and then hunt for a parking space? If I need to stop, it's because I'm having trouble handling driving straight at a constant speed witht he cruise control on. How could anyone expect me to survive all that?

Also, in the same vein, you need to be able to take a nap if you need to. I'm not talking about plugging in a motor home and firing up the grill, I'm refering to climbing in the back or folding the seat down and crashing long enough to become a safe driver again. This has to be legal, as it's the whole point of the things. Add all the lights you need to to make people feel safe, up the police patrols and everything, but if I'm in no condition to drive, isn't it a lot better for everyone if I'm not hurtling down the highway at 75 mph?

Bathrooms should be clean, at least better than Walmart and movie theatre bathrooms (the lowest rung on the bathroom evolutionary scale). I'm a guy, so it's not quite as important, but I'd like to not get glared at by my gal when the trip resumes. I do have to admit, though, that whenever I use the stainless steel trough urinals in IL I feel the need to wipe my feet on the sidewalk outside the bathroom before I get into my car.

Anyway, relate your favorite rest area tale if you've got one. Comments are still free-ish.